Jumpers Reporting Long Lines at Nation's Tall Bridges

Americans in cities around the country are reporting long lines at the top of the nation's tallest bridges.

Significantly higher than the day after any election in modern history, this year's turnout is seeing wait times to jump as long as two hours.

"It's ridiculous," one man who had been waiting for over 90 minutes to end his life by leaping from the Aurora Bridge in Seattle remarked. "Something like this you really just want to get over with."

In New York City, where hundreds of people turned out to throw themselves off the George Washington Bridge Wednesday morning, swamped volunteers said they were working as hard as they could to alleviate the delays.

"We ask every jumper to provide identification in order to notify their next of kin, as well as to encourage them, if they haven't already, to provide a last will and testament," one bridge worker stated.

Exit polls from those choosing to leave this realm in the wake of Donald Trump's presidential victory reportedly indicate a wide range of reasons for doing so, the most common responses including economic and/or environmental catastrophe, a sense of decency, and, "Get the hell out of my way."