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Michele Bachmann Apologizes for Being Horrible Congresswoman, Person

Calling herself "horrible" and an "idiot" on Face the Nation this morning, Michele Bachmann apologized for what she termed the "terrible disservice to the country" she committed during her tenure as a United States Congresswoman.

"I will say again that my decision not to seek re-election has nothing to do with any ongoing investigation into any of the stunts I pulled while running for President, but is in fact due to it recently coming to my attention that I am an awful congresswoman and a horrible person," Bachmann said.

Bachmann also reiterated that she wasn't quitting out of fear of losing her re-election bid.

"Regardless of how stupid I am, the folks I've represented these past six years make me look like Albert Einstein," she remarked, "The people of Minnesota's sixth are retarded. Seriously, these people would elect a piece of wood."

In addition to promising to never hold public office again, Bachmann assured the audience that she would remove herself from society "as much as humanly possible so as to not risk having any significant affect on anybody's life ever again."

"Looking forward, suicide is definitely an option for me," she said, "But assuming I don't have the guts, I'll at least do my best to stay out of everyone's way and keep to being a total idiot in the privacy of my own home."

Added Bachmann: "Man, do I suck."

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