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Houston Astros Keeping Sharp by Cheating Around the House

With the start of the Major League Baseball season postponed indefinitely due to the Coronavirus outbreak, members of the Houston Astros are reportedly keeping at the top of their win-at-any-cost approach to the game by cheating around the house.

"Don't tell my family, but I'm pretty much cheating non-stop at home these days," Astros "star" third baseman Alex Bregman confided. "From just rinsing the dishes before putting them away to the three girlfriends I have on the side, I'm keeping sharp."

Added Bregman: "I've even been cheating my four year-old kid. When we play Hi Ho Cherry-O I keep a bunch of extra cherries in my pocket."

Duping family members at games appears to be something many Astros have in common, as Second Baseman Jose Altuve attested.

"I got my wife and kids into playing Scrabble. Only what they don't know is that I bought a fake dictionary with a bunch of fake words like 'zap' and 'qualm' that I've been using," he bragged.

Meanwhile, even new members of the team are working their cheating muscles. Rookie Christian Javier, who has taken a job at Burger King during the shutdown, described his approach towards trying to impress team management.

"I stole the letters from the Taco Bell sign across the street and made it spell, 'Feed Your All Night Butt'," snickered Javier.

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