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Hundreds Homeless after Endangered Species Moved into Projects

Hundreds of residents of a housing project in Detroit, Michigan are out on the street today after the US Fish and Wildlife Service requisitioned their homes to house an assortment of animals currently on the federally protected species list.
 
According to Vanessa Harris, a 12-year resident of Spencer Gardens on the city's lower west side, many of those who were evicted considered the letters they received from the FWS declaring emminent domain a joke - until dozens of government agents, police officers and scores of endangered animals entered the community early Monday morning.

"My friend Cheryl got kicked out for a bunch of Rayed Bean Mussels," Harris said, "And now we've got a couple of ocelots living next door. Rude ocelots who carry on until all hours - growling, slamming and banging all night."

FWS spokesman Gary Kahler pointed out that ocelots are nocturnal animals, and that any noise complaints could be addressed to the police.

"These animals are endangered in the wild and need our protection," Kahler remarked, "The cooperation and understanding of the residents of Spencer Gardens is appreciated."

"That ocelot can suck my dick," Harris explained.

One of Spencer Gardens new transplants, a grizzly bear, commented.

"It's definitely an unfortunate situation," said the Ursos arctos horribilis, "Although it should be known that no wildlife here petitioned the Interior Department's intervention in this matter, we do sympathize with all those who've been displaced by our presence. It can certainly be irritating to have one's natural habitat encroached upon."

Still, relations between new neighbors in Spencer Gardens appear tentative at best.

"No way I'm going to live next door to a bunch of god damned clams," one man grumbled.

 
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