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North Swaziland an African Model of Completely Inneffectual US-Style Democracy

Citizens of North Swaziland will go to the polls tomorrow to elect a new president of a country that has become the African model of completely ineffectual American-style democracy.

First elected in 2009, current President Rainford Katango has spent the majority of his first four year term focusing on North Swaziland's most pressing concern – the re-election of Rainford Katango in 2013.

Half of North Swaziland's Parliament seats will also be up for grabs Friday, chairs that are widely regarded as being nice for sleeping.

North Swaziland, which has been ravaged by a terrible decade-long famine, has not passed a single piece of legislation since the country caught on fire in 2005, when Parliament succumbed to gridlock over whether to use the nation's water supply to extinguish the blazing infernos or grow food.

Katango, who has advocated for bi-partisanship during his re-election campaign, suggesting North Swaziland use some portion of its water supply to fight the fires while the rest be reserved for agricultural efforts, has successfully failed to break the impasse.

"It is hopeless," Katango lamented, "Vote Rainford Katango."

Meanwhile, Speaker of the House William Chansa, who represents a district of 9 peanut farmers in rural Mbola and is leading in his own campaign for re-election by nearly 80%, has vowed to continue his fight against water usage to fight fires and for the extension of cable television coverage to rural Mbola.

Said Chansa: "I know what is right for my constituents, because all I have to do is ask Noah, Felix, Chisamba, Jonas, Emmanuel, Stophira and Joe – but not Kalililo. Kalililo is a jerk."

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