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Poll: 50% of Country Still Gives a Shit about Abortion

A poll released this yesterday indicates that 50% of the country still gives a shit about the issue of abortion.

Though long a controversial subject since the landmark Supreme Court decision of Roe vs. Wade outlawed all state and federal restrictions against a woman's right to have any inviable fetus sucked from her uterus with a vacuum hose, the findings of the poll still have surprised many.

"Abortion? Still? That seems kind of 80's," said one woman who estimates she's aborted between four and seven unwanted pregnancies in the past ten years, "I mean, really. That's sort of like still caring about communism or AIDS."

Regardless, despite a deepening global environmental crisis and unemployment rates rising towards 15% in some states, many Americans do still give a passionate shit about whether another gestating mouth to feed is torn from some penniless, undereducated teenage girl’s womb and scraped into a bag of biological waste.

"Abortion is murder, plain and simple," argued a pro-life woman protesting outside of a Chicago area clinic that performs the practice, "Life begins at conception. These are real living babies being killed, etc., etc."

In contrast, deductive reasoning indicates that half the country couldn’t give a crap whether doctors continue to shitcan human fetuses from now until the end of time.

"Yeah, fuck 'em," said a man lined up outside a job center in Indianapolis.

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